Looking at 2021

I wasn’t planning writing any sort of post that looked back at 2020 to any degree and I suppose this post doesn’t exactly do that either. However it didn’t feel right to start back up again and not acknowledge my feelings towards 2021.

I am definitely ready to move forward and hopefully go into a year that looks a bit more positive and I don’t mean that just with coronavirus. My education, personal health and surroundings definitely took a hit last year and I’m willing to fast forward to something kinder and happier (to some degree, after the fast changing world we live in I can’t exactly be wanting miracles).

Over the past few weeks during my break from posting I noticed hundreds of posts from people ecstatic about 2021 thinking it would be a new start or they were looking back on 2020 picking out all the positives. But I can’t sit here and gloss over a worldwide pandemic and not consider the affect that has had, possibly to numerous of my readers. I definitely couldn’t shove positivity onto a page and think it would make absolutely everyone feel better. So, instead I posted nothing.

Which could sound rather pessimistic but I’d rather use the term realist.

Instead, I am going into 2021 a bit more prepared mentally for the stress that could arise from online learning and an extended pandemic. I am purposely not being too hopeful because I don’t want to disappoint myself (this was written literally just before lockdown was announced so I was probably right in not being too optimistic). I turn 21 in February and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact this will probably be a very different birthday for me. Yet you have to make the most out of what is given to you and I am determined to carry a smile on my face for as long as possible.

If 2020 taught us all anything it is that we are strong, capable individuals who are prepared to make sacrifices for long term health and positivity. It might not seem like it but this will pass. At least that is what I am reminding myself daily (if we can do it for a whole year I am sure we can continue to do it for a bitty longer, right?).

I was never a goal setter or a New Years resolution type of girl however I have set some mental goals for myself that are completely manageable and lenient. I think I have realised there are things I can do to make myself feel a lot better, rather than any physical changes, I want to do what’s right for me.

I want to have a better relationship with exercise, which is something I plan to write on in the near future because it definitely is a can of worms which bothers me on the daily, I want to work hard at being creative and looking after my creative self, I also need to get a part time job (please send me all the positive vibes with this one because in an economic crisis I’m kind of scared about this one) and I want to take more time to be in touch with my emotions rather than chucking them to the back of my head.

I guess I look at these things as goals I can work towards and keep in the back of my head, I don’t actually strive towards them everyday, I understand that it will be a gradual journey which I am more than happy to be on.

For now going into 2021 looks more like an extended version of 2020. Which, surprisingly, I’m just rolling with. I’ve become a lot more easy-going with my emotions towards the constant changes because I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Does it suck that my time at uni, which only happens once, has been a fraction of what I’ve been promised? Of course it does. Is it frustrating that my future career prospects could be damaged because I can’t get any relevant work experience? Yes. Am I scared that I am losing out on opportunities to meet new people and experience new things? Yes. But can I change any of these things? No. I just have to deal with it and do as much as I can in the environment I am in.

I’m going into 2021 with my friends and family close, realising what matters to me most and hopefully getting a clearer idea of what/who is good for me and what I should let go of.

Let me know your thoughts towards the new year below, remember we are all in this together!

Sending you lots of love and positivity,

Sophie xx

My 30th Post: A Review on Blogging So Far

It’s a bit scary to think I’ve already written 30 posts. To be honest I wasn’t sure if I’d make it past 8. However, in saying that, the reception I’ve received and what I’ve gained from not only being more honest to my readers but with myself is something I will always cherish.

I thought I’d round up my thoughts and share with you not only the highs but the lows, because yes, even in these short few months, I’ve had lows when it comes to this fantastic platform.

I want to start with the fact that Blogging is scary. You are putting yourself – your thoughts, feelings and emotions – into one place for absolutely anyone and everyone to read. That definitely plays a big part in second guessing yourself and doubting whether sharing your sacred thoughts to your potential future employer for example is the smartest idea on the planet. This is exactly where the lows come from (and the creative drought that leaks into your brain every so often).

Yet I wouldn’t have started this if I wasn’t aware of the fact anyone could be reading it and it is that (even though it scares me) which pushes me to make my writing even better and talk about subjects which people might not feel 100% comfortable broaching. I’ve always been scared of writing and the judgment that comes with it but if I want to better myself and my techniques then writing 2-3 blog posts a week is most likely the only way that’s going to happen. I think if anything I’ve learned that if someone reads this it is because they are interested, those who don’t want too aren’t forced to come here and I am extremely okay with that.

For me these 30 blog posts have given me the chance to share my struggles and frustrations with things that I come across, and as a 20 year old there is quite a lot of them (trust me). But on the other hand, it also allows me to share things I love and give support and admiration to those who deserve it. I feel empowered and invigorated having an outlet that is completely mine and I love the creative freedom it gives me.

However, with this creative freedom comes the feeling A LOT of the time that I am imposing on a space I’m not good enough for or feeling down about what I am not achieving. As a competitive person who is also a perfectionist this has always been a difficult subject for me. Although I must admit I am doing better at this and coming to terms with the fact that it’s a long process to get where I want to be and definitely involves a lot of hard work. Hard work on the other hand which I am willing to put in.

I thought I’d compile just some of the things I’ve achieved in the past few months. More for myself than anyone else;

  • Released 2-3 blog posts a week
  • Used my instagram as a creative outlet which has allowed me to see my progress as I post
  • Gain a small following from what I started with
  • Start my own print business within my website (available here)
  • learned how to professionally promote my business through interesting graphics
  • Joined the #caithnessmarket
  • Grow as a person
  • Supported businesses through my website
  • Created a campaign on sustainable fashion which was shared by leading brands (check out my instagram highlights and this post for more info)
  • Created a supportive community on Facebook
  • Found what I love and enjoy doing!

I know you probably read through that thinking “wow she’s really promoting herself here” but, like I said in a recent blog post, it’s important to celebrate the successes along the way and I do not do that nearly enough. Plus I don’t think I ever recognised how much work I’ve done in such a short space of time! I adore what I am doing and am so glad there are some of you out there that seem to be loving it as well.

It’s never too late to start something which you have wanted to do for a while or have always dreamt of. If you keep making excuses when will you actually do it? The right time will always be now.

Here is to 30 more blog posts and continuing to feel at home and free in this wonderful space on the internet.

Much love,

Sophie x


My Relationship with Lockdown: An Update.

How many weeks are we now into staying at home? I think I have well and truly lost count. In fact I don’t think I started counting in the first place, mostly because I didn’t (and still don’t) know what day it is.

I have lost the plot. From my last post about life in lockdown it probably sounded like I was doing fine, having the odd down day, but mostly pushing through.

Now though. Now it is a different story.

Now I am bored. I am restless. I am frustrated at knowing this could go on for many more months.

Now I am ready for a mojito on a beach with the sun in the middle of nowhere.

Not in stormy Scotland (which is currently blowing a gale force on my window) *which was a few days ago now – we are currently back to sunshine.*

I know this probably sounds like I am having a good moan, and you know what I probably am. I am going to own the fact I am at the end of my tether because usually I’d apologise straight after about boring you with how ‘bad’ my life is. Yes in the grand scheme of things I haven’t had Covid so I don’t know the worst of it but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

But lockdown has different ways of affecting everyone. Right now I think the best way to describe it is that I feel ‘stuck’. I just don’t know what to do because I don’t have anything to do (this is a weird thing to say seeing I do have things to do, I think it is more the repetition of them and the feeling of not getting out of that cycle). I’m telling you this more because I am curious if anyone else feels the same?

I have even started to notice that small things can put me in a really bad mood. Like if someone says something that I disagree with or something doesn’t go to plan, it will put me in a slump for the rest of the day and I can’t shake it. It’s like having a period everyday – I just don’t know what emotion is going to come my way next.

Maybe this is because I don’t have the usual outlets to expense excess emotions that build up. I’m never one for talking about how I feel (which if you can avoid I recommend) but before lockdown my life would be semi busy so then at least that way I’d have ways of avoiding coping with them. I know that if a psychologist was reading this they’d probably have alarm bells ringing in their head but here we are.


I’m now reading this the day after writing it. I’d usually delete a post like this, looking at it more like a way to get my frustration out rather than being useful. But this is useful. It is important to know that you’re not alone and that if you feel like this then it’s okay. I don’t want to glamorise lockdown, it’s hard and not everyday is filled with amazing memories which you can hold onto for a lifetime (if I’m honest most of lockdown doesn’t have many of those for me, so no pressure).

It may sound extremely overdone, and for an English Lit. student, there are probably better metaphors to use but lockdown is very much like a rollercoaster, to me it is anyway. From one day to the next I never feel the same. It definitely throws curve balls at you and sometimes its quite scary.

So far the best ways I have found at coping with this utter mix of emotions is just listening to them and owning them. If I don’t want to do anything one day I won’t. If I am in a horrible mood I’ll try and do things to perk me up or just sit by myself for a bit. Reading is a good way of escaping when you can’t necessarily go outside. On top of this, what I’ve really found surprising is that running is a good way to escape the horrible feeling.

I am currently doing Couch to 5k, and I am on week 4. I stopped and started A LOT but I’ve now realised it helps to purely focus on my breathing and my technique. When you’re nearly dying because of the heat, you don’t have time to think of anything else.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, no I’m not having the best of times all the time. I get more down days now than I did before lockdown. Yet that is understandable, it’s not enjoyable, but it happens. So now apparently you are my therapist (I’m joking). I hope to at least one person this makes you feel less alone.

I have always over examined how I feel but doing that is not going to change it.

Sending you lots of love, whether you are still in lockdown or not.

Sophie x


Stop Letting Lockdown Dictate You.

I want to start this post by highlighting the fact it is not going to be about ignoring the rules. PLEASE FOLLOW THEM. Instead I want to remind you that how you deal with it is your choice, don’t feel bad for not doing exercise, eating copious amounts of chocolate or lying in bed all day.

Lockdown does not mean you have to start a new hobby, decorate a room or get absolutely ripped.

I personally have pretty much done nothing out of the ordinary. I started running and then I stopped running. I started reading lots and now I am not reading lots. I started looking at the news and now I have stopped looking at the news.

All of that is okay!

The countless Facebook posts from strangers ripping people apart for simple little things are making me scared of actually being honest. That is not okay.

I know that of course there are extremes where people need to be called out on their actions. I think the latest in British Politics explains that. However, people should not feel isolated during self isolation. Surely when people are already being scared and examined for their cleanliness; what they touch, if they sneeze, how they breath etc. the last thing they need is to be hounded for a mistake? or made to feel like this is a probability?

I’ve written this post three times. Each time it has had a new title and a new body of text. I guess that resembles the inner workings of my brain at the moment, a mess.

Personally, I feel like during such an isolating period, people should be able to be themselves without questioning their behaviour. I guess that’s what happens when people have more time to spend on social media.

Anyway, I don’t want this to sound like you can waltz around and ignore the rules. That you can’t do. However, I want you to not feel bad for feeling confused or fed up. Everyone is going to feel that way at some point. I definitely have. What I’ve come to realise is that everyone deals with situations differently; some like to broadcast their stress on social media, some like to internalise their thoughts and feelings and then some like to drink copious amounts of wine.

I’m not saying any of the above are long term solutions but if that is how you cope then that is okay. Don’t feel bad. Enjoy the glass(es) of wine!

Just remind yourself that another person will deal with it differently to you.

I hope you are safe and well. I’d love to hear how you are and what you’ve been up to in isolation in the comments.

Much love,

Sophie x