I feel like its been a while since I’ve sat down and written my thoughts onto ‘paper’. The last time I wrote to you on a more personal note was when I signed off for Christmas, which probably isn’t the right thing considering this website is supposed to be about my life. That sounds self conceited but at the same time it’s not exactly a lie.
Well, in that time I’ve gone into my second term of third year, turned 21, moved home from Edinburgh and got angry about A LOT of things (and when I say that I don’t mean personally). It probably doesn’t help that there is a media storm currently happening surrounding the Royal family, which also seems to encompass every other living being seeing the media won’t post about anything else.
I sit here on a slightly grey Monday, on #Internationalwomensday, feeling a lot of love for the women in my life but also with a certain amount of dread purely because I don’t think we are as far forward as I thought. I read an article on LinkedIn earlier today (from the BBC) which stated that ‘The average woman in her twenties today would have to work 40 years more to retire with the same amount as her male counterpart […]’. I mean HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY TO THAT! The general consensus was that nobody really knew how to combat the issue either. In a lot of ways it pushes me to work harder but when that work hardly seems to be rewarded, in the sense that there are numerous people like me who have tried to change the system and are still highlighting the same troubles, it makes you wonder if the world will ever change?
And then you get onto the British media and its inability to treat women with an ounce of respect. It’s half past two right now and I have seen more trolling of Megan Markle in a couple of hours than I’ve probably ever seen on any other celebrity (particularly men). I’m not going to add any opinions to the mix and I also don’t want to publicise more inherently useless rubbish that the British press have created. However, I do want to address, like I did in my recent post on Body Image, how the media still aren’t learning from their past mistakes. Meghan stated that she considered suicide, but rather than accepting this as fact and apologising, they’d rather consider she was performing. I feel that this perfectly summarises the attitudes of the corrupt faces behind journalism and how women are scared to speak up and use their voice. It makes sense that powerful women are targeted, because so many people are scared of them because it goes against the grain.
Anyway, I digress. I was going to cut that out because if you’re like me, I feel rather overwhelmed and exhausted with the situation. However, that wouldn’t be sticking to who I am and what I’m feeling. In that sense I hope it reassures someone that their feelings are valid.
Nevertheless, like I said above, I turned 21 two weeks ago. An event I wasn’t sure I’d enjoy purely because everyone hypes up how good your 21st is. Why do we feel the need to put this pressure on something that happens every year in the first place? Despite that I had a lovely day, I got spoiled rotten by friends and family which I am extremely grateful for and I actually liked the slower pace of the ‘occasion’. There was no pressure to entertain anyone or be switched on 24/7.
Then that weekend I moved out of Edinburgh *sad face*. Moving is a STRESS. I don’t like it and would rather do it as few times as possible. Which is quite ironic seeing I am going to be moving somewhere else in the foreseeable future. I think the whole start to the year has been a whirlwind of emotions, online learning is still extremely challenging and feeling forced into what feels like a very small space both physically and mentally is, without over using the word, exhausting. I’m just hoping Spring can bring a lighter, more positive outlook. Which I know is really enforcing a stereotype of new beginnings but lately I’m going to grip onto any hope I can get, so don’t come for me, okay?
If you can’t tell I’m a mess. My head is in 100 places and trying to sit down to write is getting increasingly more difficult because I am struggling to focus. I feel very passionately about a lot of things, its something that is both a negative and a positive to my personality. Yet I am starting to understand that this is not something I should be berating myself for. Hence the honest post about everything that’s going on in my head right now. If it’s my reality, it is most likely going to be someone else’s as well.
And through getting all that out I hope it allows me to sit down in the coming weeks and write creatively and freely.
I’d love for you to share something exciting in your life or something you’re grateful for this week: whether that is a special woman in your life, an achievement you’re proud of or just a little special something that’s put a smile on your face. The world can certainly feel overwhelming but it’s important to remember it is not all negative.
I look forward to reading them,